I joined the Oncology Nursing Society as a student member…which I highly recommend any students-or oncology nurses for that matter-do immediately for reasons I may elaborate on in a later post….and then I got it…the email that would moderately change the course of an evening of my life: “Come learn about PNH (paroxysmal nocturnal hemoglobinuria) on such and such night". Sold.
Nearing my 30’s I have now cultivated the ability to do what was once unthinkable-walk alone into a room full of people I don’t know and see what happens. Many people avoid this at all costs, even into later adulthood, and I can’t say that I blame them. It’s about as comfortable as getting my teeth cleaned but I strangely enjoy it as an enthusiast of (totally unqualified) social anthropology.
So I walked into the door toward which all the tables full of unfriendly faces were aimed and had seconds to select a seat. I noted a woman sitting alone in the back and pondered joining her, but felt the pressure of a one on one interaction could be too much if things went south. I played it safe and asked to join two middle-aged women sitting at their own table. “No? This seat was not taken?” This was a promising start….
…but that’s about as promising as it got for the rest of the night. They never bothered to introduce themselves and continued to have their own private conversation for the next 20 minutes. This was not the veteran-nurses-taking-me-under-their wing experience I had envisioned while listening to the hits of the 80’s and 90’s on the drive over. Perhaps the saying isn’t true-Nurses don’t eat their young, they just ignore them until they die of starvation…or maybe something slightly less intense. Although technically the image of eating your own young is way worse. Just sayin.
I drew the line when *Ricki got there. Three people ignoring me? I had my limits. So I piped up and said, “It looks like you all know each other. I haven’t introduced myself yet, I’m Wendy. I’m a student member.” Without any attempt to hide their disinterest they each FINALLY rattled off their names. Victory! I was in!...and then they returned to their own private conversation. DAMN IT! I now had two choices:
1. I could allow myself to become a food ghost- a shadowy figure whose presence was only known when a plate needed to be passed.
2. I could interject myself into the conversation and attempt to forcibly take the information I assumed they would be eager to share about oncology nursing.
Like I said, I’m nearly 30, and I surely didn’t drive downtown in rush hour to hear about how they “never carry cash anymore”…I chose the latter.
So then I just started interjecting myself into the conversation by loudly offering up details that should’ve already been discovered through normal, polite conversation. It was small talk Tourrete’s, but oddly wasn’t any more awkward than what had already been transpiring.
I found out a lot that way. I found out (ok, overheard) that it’s better to work at a hospital because smaller cancer centers and doctors offices often close. I found out it’s better to spend a couple years on Med/Surg than to go straight into pure oncology work because you will see all those same issues in combination with cancer, so you need to be familiar with those as well. They debunked advice another nurse had given me about getting my phlebotomy certification before working with cancer patients-“You will learn that on the floor working in Med/Surg doing IVs all day” was the consensus. I learned that there was a chapter of ONS specific to my city which was a separate entity from the national organization. Noting that all of them lived and worked in the city but none of them were active in the chapter they described, a light finally dawned on me. I had accidentally sat with the “just here for dinner” table! Ohh it made so much sense!
The speaker was very informative and I was excited to be learning things that would apply in my future work with cancer patients. I felt privileged to be getting this advanced knowledge now, before even entering into clinicals. I felt happy that I could understand a majority of what was being said. I felt very grateful for the free food I was given. In fact, feeling a pleasant high from the two free desserts I had just eaten, I tried to push my luck and asked one of the nurses if she would consider letting me shadow her for a day. I knew it was a very long shot considering she didn’t even care to know who the hell was sitting next to her. No dice.
All in all, it was a very awkward evening, but I came away with a full belly and a lot more knowledge. Now if only I could find a way to sense who can hold a conversation from across the room. Working on it!
*Names were changed, you know, just in case
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